There is always a last moment when somebody starts writing a blog. It can be a happy moment, a sad moment or a frustrating one. All of a sudden, the person feels that she has to let it out and then the blog is created. For me it was yesterday at work, At the moment I am a waitress in England, which has nothing to do with my original profession (I am a teacher), but it earns my living for now. So.. I was serving a couple when the man asked me if I was Spanish. I said no, I am Hungarian. "Oh, it's almost the same, isn't it?" That was the answer....

That was the moment when I smiled, but inside I felt my anger coming up after four years of living here and being exposed to countless similar situations. Mention should be made, this is not the first time I live abroad, it all started in 1997 when I was 18, England, Canada, I lived at many places and experienced different attitudes throughout all these years. I have to admit, the world is changing...

In 1997 I came to England as an Au-pair and I generally enjoyed it. The contrast between my home country and UK was enormous, we were not even talking about the EU, so England was still very "English". You know what I mean...

Many years have passed, Canada was a different world and I do not want to get into details now, maybe later at certain points for  comparison. Now here we are with my other half in England, he used to be a fire fighter, now a chef, me a teacher and now a waitress. I do have my Qualified Teacher Status, actually for about two years now, but my self esteem was ruined so badly that I just started to look for a job within my profession again.

Why is the self esteem ruined. This is something that only those understand who gave up everything and move abroad to start a new life in the hope of a better one. All ex communist countries are crashing, there are millions struggling with similar feelings, I am not alone, just trying to write it out as I am very much of a person of words.

You have a life in your home country. You are appreciated, have status, friends, a home with privacy, family. Then you decide to torn yourself from that bubble and start a new life abroad. Most people choose England because English language is the most commonly spoken one, taught in every school and there are lots of jobs still around this island and the language is not that hard to learn. And let's admit, everybody knows somebody who live in the UK.

So I am here as well, mainly because I speak English at a very high level (I would never expose myself to a situation when I am completely dependent on others because of language barriers), partly because I know how to live here as I have lived here before. Convenient.
First we loved it. Even me, jobs came quickly, money was decent compared to the Hungarian salaries we earned. But the bubble soon popped... I started to feel that I have to pay a huge price for the money I am earning, which after four years, does not seem that much any more. Enough to pay the mortgage at home and support my mum, but not for much more. We still cannot go for fancy holidays, and we have been living in shared flats for years now, no privacy and lots of conflicts. By now I started to wonder if it is worth.

During these years my other half learnt to speak English from scratch to a decent communication level, he became a chef from a kitchen porter and he feels good like this, even though nothing can substitute fire fighting. His self esteem and social identity is quite messed up.

And me... From being somebody, a respected teacher, national examiner and a highly qualified tutor, I became a customer service person, smiling and licking asses for minimal wage and tips for people who look down on me, or behave like pigs just because they are paying for a certain level of service. The surprising fact is that the less they pay, the less civilised they are. Right now I work in Surrey, the richest county of England, and here the type of mental and social abuse is much less than during my years in Central London. Actually, Central London is the worst place ever to work at as a customer service assistant. You are nobody, people just want your service and pay, they are not interested in you, or even look down on you. There are exemptions of course, I had some regular customers who became like me and then learnt to appreciate me. The feeling is mutual, and I will always be grateful for that, they kept me going. Interestingly, they were all highly educated people who saw behind the scenes.

Still, it is not enough. Simply statements like the opening situation in this blog would make me shrink again, raging why I have to endure all this. I am about the change and get a teaching job again, so it will be interesting to see how different that will be after many years in customer service. This is one reason why I started this blog, to see the transition, document it and still give out the frustration created by customer service and my stage of life that I hate. We'll see if anyone reads it and interested in it. I am not going to promote my blog with friends and family, I would rather just write for myself and to the world and to those who are interested in these feelings or those who feel similarly. Those who know me will recognise me anyway >OFeel free to comment :) If not, then just read and enjoy. Abusive comments will not be answered and will be deleted. This is a peaceful blog with no hidden purposes and messages, free from politics and racism. Please respect this.

I have to got to work soon.... Will post again. Have a nice day everyone.